Am I ready?
by Tonegawa Rie
Summary: Summary: He has to leave her. "Don't go, Shinichi!" He couldn't ignore her plead. But he has to. For everyone sake's. For everyone safety. "Goodbye Ran." He has to ignore her tears. Why this is so hard?/CHAPTER ONE REWRITTEN! More longer and more detail/
1. Chapter 1

** Am I Ready? **

Summary: He had to leave her. "Don't go, Shinichi!" He can't ignore her plead. But he has to. For everyone sake' . "Goodbye Ran." He must ignore her tears. Why this was so hard?

Hello, everyone! I hope some of you reading this without forced by someone (I meant, me). Sorry for the imperfect grammar, vocabulary, past tense, or any mistake that in this story! Since I was not a native speaker, and definitely not from U. K. or U. S...

Chapter 1: File 01

Reality, the kind you have to accept. Reality is hard to believe. What reality really means? The reality is complicated to describe.

"You have to leave that girl from detective agency."

"What for...?" Conan has a bad feeling for this. Conan tightened his expression, and he knows his face was serious now.

"If you want everyone safe...you have to leave! Please Kudou-kun...for Mouri-san! For everyone!" Ai desperately pleading with her voice shaky. Her eyes wide with fear of his answer. Even though he knows that she know what would his answer was, Ai still asked him. About this.

"What happened, Haibara?" Conan still asked the stupid question, despite he got the feeling. The feeling he felt is not a good feeling. The feeling he felt right now was about the same feeling when he was shoot by the bank robbers gun and got blood transfusion from Ran. But this time is harder. It was more painful on his heart, not on his stomach.

"They will know!" Ai stared at him with wider eyes. "They will know you live all this time!" she spoke shakily. "You have to go!" _**I can't let the only reminder of my sister's get killed...I can't**_. _**I can't! Please Kudou-kun!**_ Ai bit her lip, eyes cast down. Hands gripped like a ball.

Suddenly, a voice that Conan knows too well rang from behind his back.

"The FBI will put you under the protection progam, Kudou."

"Hattori?!" Conan looked to his behind. "What are you doing here, in Tokyo? What has happened while I'm gone to London? Answer me, Hattori!"

Heiji opened his mouth, attempted to explain something but he was interrupt by a deep baritone voice that belong to Okiya Subaru.

"That Amuro Tooru you had been talking for a while to that Osakan detective has been stalking you. Or precisely, stalking Mouri Kogoro," Subaru said, coming from the kitchen, earning a surprise look from both Heiji and Conan. "I'm sorry, but it has to be done."

"What reason? I still have _**many reasons **_to stay here!" Conan still needs his explanation. What is going on? More importantly, he needed explanation!

"Kudou-kun! 'They' send the message to hand over Edogawa Conan," Ai looked as she is on verge of tears. "Please, don't do anything, and go to that protection progam FBI asked you! This not only for your safety, but also to keep the person around you safe!"

"W-what?" Conan stammered. They know? Basically, if he go, they will know. They will know why he was so smart. He was sure it was from his act in some murder case and constant challenge from Kaito KID ...damn him and his senses of justice! Nevertheless, he can't blame them right now. Well, it was not the right time to blame it too.

"Kudou, I know you still want to watch neechan, but you have to do this. Not for you, but for neechan," Heiji said, glancing at Conan with serious expression. Conan's know Heiji referred to Ran. And he knows he's not going to decline the offer from FBI. Even though he has to leave Ran...he has to. He had to do this for the safety of everyone he cared deeply. He keeps thinking that in his mind.

"I know," Conan managed a sad smile. "I accept the FBI offer." His bangs covered his eyes.

Subaru smirked at his answer, definitely planning on something big for the shrunken deduction maniac. Ai looked away in regrets and sadness, and Hattori keep his expression calm, although you can see him trying not to screaming, shouting something to the sky, or punching some random stranger in the random street to express his own frustration and anger. Agasa, who is keep quite throughout the conversation just stared at his feet, not sure what to say. After all, he was afraid of what he might say to Conan.

"Good. Pack some clothes and thing from the Mouri detective agency." Subaru paused. "Without noticed of course."

"Understood...," Conan began to step away from Agasa's house. He has to accept reality. He has to, he said that to himself.

**OoOoOo **

"Where are you going, Conan-kun?" Ran has yet to go to her room. Subaru's had said that he had to go without noticed...he guesses that rule has failed.

"Going away from this place," he answered the true. He knows protect her from his secret now is useless, as he was now had to gone from her very life. Forever.

"Gone...going away from this place? What do you mean by that Conan-kun? You good at joke now, huh, Conan-kun?" Ran smiled at him. He ducked his head down, didn't want Ran to see his grief, his regret. He would miss those smiles when he's away. Ran smile is special to him, always warmth his heart. And make his stomach felt fluttery too. Sometimes, the smile would calm him. But not this time.

"I'm not joking..." he managed to utter out. He still didn't see Ran's face. He didn't want to anyway. See them for the last time...in real.

Ran looked at Conan in confusion, and then her face lit up when she think of something that she thought right. "Oh! You going to camping with Agasa-hakase, Ai-chan, Ayumi and the others right? Why didn't you tell me, Conan-kun? I can help you packing your things you know. And it was weekend. I want to go too if I didn't get any Karate's session tomorrow." Conan shook his head. Ran didn't understand. He _**was**_ serious.

He tried his best to ignore her, pretending busy on packing his own things. This was not the first time he ignored her, but it was the first time he doing it on purpose. He felt so horrible right now.

Ran frowned thoughtfully when she sees Conan packing his things. He usually didn't behave like this around her. Conan always tried to get her full attention when it was weekend, trying to get her and him walk to the Beika's park or made a new cooking experiment or watching soccer's match on the TV together. What's going on? What's going on with Conan-kun?

"Something wrong, Conan-kun?" she asked, subconsciously smiled sweetly, of course without her knowing that was her charm. "You can tell me your problems. Don't worry, I wasn't going to tell everyone." She offered with warm smile. With the smile that always made Conan felt warmth. Her smile that he wanted to see every day in every bit of his life. Now he thought about it, it simply was all impossible.

_**Simply all impossible...**_, Conan thought quietly in his mind. His mind almost shut down like a computer at the thought, if he doesn't remember that he was in front of Ran now.

Conan stopped his packing. Slowly, he looked towards Ran. He immediately felt his heart clenched just by looking directly at her smile. He almost saw the smile in all his life. The first memory as a child he managed to remember was her smile. Her smile is everything to him.

"You don't understand, Ran-neechan? I am serious; I had to leave this place. For everyone sake's." _**For your sake's**_, he wanted to say it. But his lips just couldn't form the words that he wanted to say. He feels his mind, mouth go numb.

Kneeled down, Ran stared at Conan black eyes. She sees grief, pain, regret, confuse, loneliness, and sadness in his eyes. How can a child like Conan-kun could get the eyes of an adult full with trouble in his life? She didn't understand. However, she wanted to understand. What could be happening, to make Conan-kun act like this? This was not the sweet, childish kid (sometimes more mature than a child does in his age) she had been taking care of all this time. She gasps a little when she thought Conan-kun's eyes reminded her of someone she knew. This was...this eyes...Shinichi?

"Shinichi..." Ran muttered unconsciously.

Conan looked at Ran with surprise. Did she figure out his identity? He wondered. He didn't care if Ran did figure it out; it was just pointless, as he now had to leave her. All alone without him present. He didn't know how Ran handling this, this reality.

Ran frowned; she didn't mean the words she spoke out. She just blurted out what she had on her mind. When she sees surprise in Conan-kun's eyes, she frowned again. She curious about what made him seems surprised, is it because she is blurting out someone name that is coincidentally Conan-kun relative or something else? Ran didn't know. Or rather, didn't want to know.

"Umm, Conan-kun. It was dinnertime, come on, eat with me. Otousan got a client and he said he will be back tomorrow," Ran got up, and leaving Kogoro's room. "I had your favorite curry rice and chocolate ice cream." She added with somewhat forced smile. Somehow, the feeling Conan's felt right now, transferred to her.

Conan watching Ran left with sad, regret eyes that clearly didn't belong to a seven year old kid like him.

"I'm sorry I did this to you, Ran. I hope you can forgive me for this. And I hope you find happiness with...someone else."

Ran stopped on her tracks. She hears Conan-kun said something to her, but she assumed it was her imagination. So, she continued to walk away from Kogoro's bedroom. Even though her heart keeps shouting about don't leave Conan, and that she will regret doing this later.

**OoOoOo **

"Yusaku, is-is that true?" Yukiko let out a shaky breathe. "We can't see Shin-chan again?"

Yusaku nodded, "FBI decided to put him into the protection progam."

"Why Shin-chan?!" Yukiko was ready in tears. "We are his parents! They had nothing to stop us from being see our son again! They can't force Shin-chan into that program too!"

Conan didn't even know his parents were nearly gone into hysteric. Yusaku grimaced. His son sometimes was too forgetful and dense like Yukiko, not even think about his parents' reaction about his departure from their lives.

"This was doing not by force, but it was our son decision," Yusaku said.

Yukiko hung her head down, bangs covered her eyes. Yusaku clearly see the sadness and anger that Yukiko's held right now.

"That selfless, self-sacrifice son of mine..." Yukiko muttered out-loud suddenly. "I want to see him. I want to see Shinichi."

Yusaku smiled a bit, "We are going to even if he did not want this, Yukiko."

**OoOoOo **

"You've done the packing some clothes thing?" Heiji stared at Conan who looked like he just got himself a slap from his girlfriend. Heiji had to admit, Conan looked like a mess. Like a tsunami's and the tornado mixed and hits Conan in the same time. And some Okonomiyaki in the mix. Heiji didn't know why he added Okonomiyaki in it, but he let it pass.

"Ah." Conan showed his travelling bag. "Hey, Hattori. Do you really think...this was the best choice?" Conan asked with sorrow look. "I keep questioning myself if this was the best. If this was the best choices, I had to make. I just...need confirmation, Hattori."

Heiji grew silent. He confused at this too. Why had Kudou asked him about this...?

Heiji looked at Conan. He says...

"You know, when the first time I heard you going to disappear, I nearly punched jiisan (Agasa). It seems like a dream to me, you my best friend, with his unfortunate luck had to leave to keep his precious persons safe."

"That's all?"

"That's all. What are you expecting?" Heiji raised his eyebrow. "That's my answer for your situation."

Conan knows Heiji was serious, but somehow, he want to laugh with what Heiji called answer.

"Okay, Hattori. Somehow I feel better than before...thank you."

"Hey, don't thank me, this was a best friend should do when his best friend in a trouble."

"Don't get too cocky and take care of your girlfriend well when I'm gone."

"I should ask you that question, Kudou," Heiji grinned. "Do you want me to protect Neechan? Not in that way you probably thinking in that thick head of yours, I just want to protect Neechan in a sibling relation way."

"Yeah. You should do that, I'd really appreciate it if you do it," Conan managed to a smile, smile of relief.

"I bring Kazuha's too, then," Heiji replied.

"Of course you have to bring her. She will get sick if you away from her."

**That's how the chapter ended. **

**I had this idea from...I don't know! It just rather popped out of nowhere. I hope you enjoy it! And I hope you don't really mind with me joining the Conan fandom. **

**By the way, I edited this fic because I am not satisfied with this story, something was left out, and I am sure about it. Thank you for those who wasting their time just to reading this fic! *kidding, kidding **

**Best regards, **

**Rie-chan**


	2. Chapter 2: Chapter One: REWRITTEN LONGER

** Am I Ready? **

Summary: He had to leave her. "Don't go, Shinichi!" He can't ignore her plead. But he has to. For everyone sake' . "Goodbye Ran." He must ignore her tears. Why this was so hard?

Hello, everyone! I hope some of you reading this without forced by someone (I meant, me). Sorry for the imperfect grammar, vocabulary, past tense, or any mistake that in this story! Since I was not a native speaker, and definitely not from U. K. or U. S...

Chapter 1: File 01

Reality, the kind you have to accept. Reality is hard to believe. What reality really means? The reality is complicated to describe.

"You have to leave that girl from detective agency."

"What for...?" Conan has a bad feeling for this. Conan tightened his expression, and he knows his face was serious now.

"If you want everyone safe...you have to leave! Please Kudou-kun...for Mouri-san! For everyone!" Ai desperately pleading with her voice shaky. Her eyes wide with fear of his answer. Even though he knows that she know what would his answer was, Ai still asked him. About this.

"What happened, Haibara?" Conan still asked the stupid question, despite he got the feeling. The feeling he felt is not a good feeling. The feeling he felt right now was about the same feeling when he was shoot by the bank robbers gun and got blood transfusion from Ran. But this time is harder. It was more painful on his heart, not on his stomach.

"They will know!" Ai stared at him with wider eyes. "They will know you live all this time!" she spoke shakily. "You have to go!" _**I can't let the only reminder of my sister's get killed...I can't**_. _**I can't! Please Kudou-kun!**_ Ai bit her lip, eyes cast down. Hands gripped like a ball.

Suddenly, a voice that Conan knows too well rang from behind his back.

"The FBI will put you under the protection progam, Kudou."

"Hattori?!" Conan looked to his behind. "What are you doing here, in Tokyo? What has happened while I'm gone to London? Answer me, Hattori!"

Heiji opened his mouth, attempted to explain something but he was interrupt by a deep baritone voice that belong to Okiya Subaru.

"That Amuro Tooru you had been talking for a while to that Osakan detective has been stalking you. Or precisely, stalking Mouri Kogoro," Subaru said, coming from the kitchen, earning a surprise look from both Heiji and Conan. "I'm sorry, but it has to be done."

"What reason? I still have _**many reasons **_to stay here!" Conan still needs his explanation. What is going on? More importantly, he needed explanation!

"Kudou-kun! 'They' send the message to hand over Edogawa Conan," Ai looked as she is on verge of tears. "Please, don't do anything, and go to that protection progam FBI asked you! This not only for your safety, but also to keep the person around you safe!"

"W-what?" Conan stammered. They know? Basically, if he go, they will know. They will know why he was so smart. He was sure it was from his act in some murder case and constant challenge from Kaito KID ...damn him and his senses of justice! Nevertheless, he can't blame them right now. Well, it was not the right time to blame it too.

"Kudou, I know you still want to watch neechan, but you have to do this. Not for you, but for neechan," Heiji said, glancing at Conan with serious expression. Conan's know Heiji referred to Ran. And he knows he's not going to decline the offer from FBI. Even though he has to leave Ran...he has to. He had to do this for the safety of everyone he cared deeply. He keeps thinking that in his mind.

"I know," Conan managed a sad smile. "I accept the FBI offer." His bangs covered his eyes.

Subaru smirked at his answer, definitely planning on something big for the shrunken deduction maniac. Ai looked away in regrets and sadness, and Hattori keep his expression calm, although you can see him trying not to screaming, shouting something to the sky, or punching some random stranger in the random street to express his own frustration and anger. Agasa, who is keep quite throughout the conversation just stared at his feet, not sure what to say. After all, he was afraid of what he might say to Conan.

"Good. Pack some clothes and thing from the Mouri detective agency." Subaru paused. "Without noticed of course."

"Understood...," Conan began to step away from Agasa's house. He has to accept reality. He has to, he said that to himself.

**OoOoOo **

"Where are you going, Conan-kun?" Ran has yet to go to her room. Subaru's had said that he had to go without noticed...he guesses that rule has failed.

"Going away from this place," he answered the true. He knows protect her from his secret now is useless, as he was now had to gone from her very life. Forever.

"Gone...going away from this place? What do you mean by that Conan-kun? You good at joke now, huh, Conan-kun?" Ran smiled at him. He ducked his head down, didn't want Ran to see his grief, his regret. He would miss those smiles when he's away. Ran smile is special to him, always warmth his heart. And make his stomach felt fluttery too. Sometimes, the smile would calm him. But not this time.

"I'm not joking..." he managed to utter out. He still didn't see Ran's face. He didn't want to anyway. See them for the last time...in real.

Ran looked at Conan in confusion, and then her face lit up when she think of something that she thought right. "Oh! You going to camping with Agasa-hakase, Ai-chan, Ayumi and the others right? Why didn't you tell me, Conan-kun? I can help you packing your things you know. And it was weekend. I want to go too if I didn't get any Karate's session tomorrow." Conan shook his head. Ran didn't understand. He _**was**_ serious.

He tried his best to ignore her, pretending busy on packing his own things. This was not the first time he ignored her, but it was the first time he doing it on purpose. He felt so horrible right now.

Ran frowned thoughtfully when she sees Conan packing his things. He usually didn't behave like this around her. Conan always tried to get her full attention when it was weekend, trying to get her and him walk to the Beika's park or made a new cooking experiment or watching soccer's match on the TV together. What's going on? What's going on with Conan-kun?

"Something wrong, Conan-kun?" she asked, subconsciously smiled sweetly, of course without her knowing that was her charm. "You can tell me your problems. Don't worry, I wasn't going to tell everyone." She offered with warm smile. With the smile that always made Conan felt warmth. Her smile that he wanted to see every day in every bit of his life. Now he thought about it, it simply was all impossible.

_**Simply all impossible...**_, Conan thought quietly in his mind. His mind almost shut down like a computer at the thought, if he doesn't remember that he was in front of Ran now.

Conan stopped his packing. Slowly, he looked towards Ran. He immediately felt his heart clenched just by looking directly at her smile. He almost saw the smile in all his life. The first memory as a child he managed to remember was her smile. Her smile is everything to him.

"You don't understand, Ran-neechan? I am serious; I had to leave this place. For everyone sake's." _**For your sake's**_, he wanted to say it. But his lips just couldn't form the words that he wanted to say. He feels his mind, mouth go numb.

Kneeled down, Ran stared at Conan black eyes. She sees grief, pain, regret, confuse, loneliness, and sadness in his eyes. How can a child like Conan-kun could get the eyes of an adult full with trouble in his life? She didn't understand. However, she wanted to understand. What could be happening, to make Conan-kun act like this? This was not the sweet, childish kid (sometimes more mature than a child does in his age) she had been taking care of all this time. She gasps a little when she thought Conan-kun's eyes reminded her of someone she knew. This was...this eyes...Shinichi?

"Shinichi..." Ran muttered unconsciously.

Conan looked at Ran with surprise. Did she figure out his identity? He wondered. He didn't care if Ran did figure it out; it was just pointless, as he now had to leave her. All alone without him present. He didn't know how Ran handling this, this reality.

Ran frowned; she didn't mean the words she spoke out. She just blurted out what she had on her mind. When she sees surprise in Conan-kun's eyes, she frowned again. She curious about what made him seems surprised, is it because she is blurting out someone name that is coincidentally Conan-kun relative or something else? Ran didn't know. Or rather, didn't want to know.

"Umm, Conan-kun. It was dinnertime, come on, eat with me. Otousan got a client and he said he will be back tomorrow," Ran got up, and leaving Kogoro's room. "I had your favorite curry rice and chocolate ice cream." She added with somewhat forced smile. Somehow, the feeling Conan's felt right now, transferred to her.

Conan watching Ran left with sad, regret eyes that clearly didn't belong to a seven year old kid like him.

"I'm sorry I did this to you, Ran. I hope you can forgive me for this. And I hope you find happiness with...someone else."

Ran stopped on her tracks. She hears Conan-kun said something to her, but she assumed it was her imagination. So, she continued to walk away from Kogoro's bedroom. Even though her heart keeps shouting about don't leave Conan, and that she will regret doing this later.

**OoOoOo **

"Yusaku, is-is that true?" Yukiko let out a shaky breathe. "We can't see Shin-chan again?"

Yusaku nodded, "FBI decided to put him into the protection progam."

"Why Shin-chan?!" Yukiko was ready in tears. "We are his parents! They had nothing to stop us from being see our son again! They can't force Shin-chan into that program too!"

Conan didn't even know his parents were nearly gone into hysteric. Yusaku grimaced. His son sometimes was too forgetful and dense like Yukiko, not even think about his parents' reaction about his departure from their lives.

"This was doing not by force, but it was our son decision," Yusaku said.

Yukiko hung her head down, bangs covered her eyes. Yusaku clearly see the sadness and anger that Yukiko's held right now.

"That selfless, self-sacrifice son of mine..." Yukiko muttered out-loud suddenly. "I want to see him. I want to see Shinichi."

Yusaku smiled a bit, "We are going to even if he did not want this, Yukiko."

**OoOoOo **

"You've done the packing some clothes thing?" Heiji stared at Conan who looked like he just got himself a slap from his girlfriend. Heiji had to admit, Conan looked like a mess. Like a tsunami's and the tornado mixed and hits Conan in the same time. And some Okonomiyaki in the mix. Heiji didn't know why he added Okonomiyaki in it, but he let it pass.

"Ah." Conan showed his travelling bag. "Hey, Hattori. Do you really think...this was the best choice?" Conan asked with sorrow look. "I keep questioning myself if this was the best. If this was the best choices, I had to make. I just...need confirmation, Hattori."

Heiji grew silent. He confused at this too. Why had Kudou asked him about this...?

Heiji looked at Conan. He says...

"You know, when the first time I heard you going to disappear, I nearly punched jiisan (Agasa). It seems like a dream to me, you my best friend, with his unfortunate luck had to leave to keep his precious persons safe."

"That's all?"

"That's all. What are you expecting?" Heiji raised his eyebrow. "That's my answer for your situation."

Conan knows Heiji was serious, but somehow, he want to laugh with what Heiji called answer.

"Okay, Hattori. Somehow I feel better than before...thank you."

"Hey, don't thank me, this was a best friend should do when his best friend in a trouble."

"Don't get too cocky and take care of your girlfriend well when I'm gone."

"I should ask you that question, Kudou," Heiji grinned. "Do you want me to protect Neechan? Not in that way you probably thinking in that thick head of yours, I just want to protect Neechan in a sibling relation way."

"Yeah. You should do that, I'd really appreciate it if you do it," Conan managed to a smile, smile of relief.

"I bring Kazuha's too, then," Heiji replied.

"Of course you have to bring her. She will get sick if you away from her."

**That's how the chapter ended. **

**I had this idea from...I don't know! It just rather popped out of nowhere. I hope you enjoy it! And I hope you don't really mind with me joining the Conan fandom. **

**By the way, I edited this fic because I am not satisfied with this story, something was left out, and I am sure about it. Thank you for those who wasting their time just to reading this fic! *kidding, kidding **

**Best regards, **

**Rie-chan**


End file.
